朋友送過來的:
EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008 NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we willassume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, sothat you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be andtherefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If youare able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are calledSaturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for deadfriends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have nonemployees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare caseswhere employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled inthe late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunchhour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strictthree-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, analarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door willopen, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picturewill be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under thecompany's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so thatthey can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal tomaintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time neededto drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide apositive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation andinput should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE |
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